stuff my (not-yet-CrossFitting) husband says to me....about CrossFit.

My husband does Tae Kwon Do and I do CrossFit.  Our kids do CrossFit with me and Tae Kwon Do with him.  This works for us and we support each others endeavors.  Since we met back in high school we agreed that supporting each other is not defined by doing every.single.thing.together yet cheering each other on as we pursue our individual quests.

So, my point.  My wonderful husband doesn't CrossFit (CrossFit can be used as verb, noun and proper noun...how is THAT for functional?) but he has some funny perspectives.

Here a few of the latest...

1.  Are those whip marks on your legs?  What the heck were you doing?

2.  Bruises on your thighs and shoulders...Cleans today?

3.  When I talk about snatching he ALWAYS has a inappropriate comment.

4.  After a long burpee workout in shorts I *always* get road rash on my knees.  This doesn't receive a comment but merely an eyebrow raise.  Only one eyebrow.  Maybe a snigger.

5.  Each evening I begin the obsessive compulsive check on the Bunker's Facebook page to see what tomorrow's WOD will be.  On those evenings when it is a super cool WOD (like squat cleans) I react like this:

This gets a similar reaction to the road rash on my knees.  
6.  He helped me acquire the necessary equipment for and clear the space for a backyard lifting area and without fail when I suggest that I need a rack (and a pullup bar too while I am asking) he will make some sort of comment about MY rack and how I don't need another one.  :::sigh::: boys.

7.  While I was doing the open he cared for and *even* fed the kids while I was gone each Saturday morning and then saved me some bacon for when I returned.  This has nothing to do with stuff he says....but no CrossFit post would be complete without mention of bacon.

8.  When I talk about jerking...well...he has an inappropriate and entertaining comment.  As an aside...I am greatly entertained by euphemisms for human behavior.

9.  When I showed him the picture below and showed him the points of performance I have improved on in the past few months he exclaimed, "OH MY GOSH!!!!  YOU HAVE HAD THE SAME SHOES FOR 3 MONTHS!!!!"

Well.  I will have to do something about that.

10.  Even though I can easily heft the 50# bags of chicken feed, the 40# bags of soil/mulch....he always offers to do it for me.  Chivalry...it isn't dead.

bonus...

As I have been doing a pretty strict Paleo diet this is his take on it: "You aren't going to eat; cheese, grain, sugar (and all artificial sweeteners)  and legumes (hear me...peanut butter) for how many days?  Ohhhhh....you will still drink wine and coffee.  Okay. I think I can still live with you."

Frienemy foods...

Our bodies need food but I think we will all agree that some foods are not nutritional and some are pretty awesome for us fueling our bodies.  These non-nutritive foods; fluffy, sweet, crunchy, salty are my frienemy foods.  Specifically, ruffles (with french onion dip), cookies (home made), salt and vinegar potato chips, and bread.  What bread?  ALL bread.  They are my frienemy foods because I love them but they do not have my best interest at heart.  I eat them and am still hungry and I want MORE.  Plus....I feel horrible.  Like Adam Levine sang about the girl that he couldn't get enough of and then he felt awful about (mmmmhmmmm) the next morning but ... I really did feel awful.  Self loathing mixed with feeling sick and sluggish. 

With one completed Whole30 (no grains, sugars, soy etc etc) under my belt...I heard one of the coaches saying that 30 days *sometimes* isn't enough.  That 60 days would be better as our bodies become more adapted to a clean way of eating.  Therefore, making healthy choices becomes more systematic as we are "reprogrammed".  This made sense to me as after my Whole30 I was able to slip quickly back in to eating the frienemy foods that don't fill me but were habitual; bread, cheese (I am lacto intolerant), and processed foods. 

I decided to do a Whole60.  At the end of the first Whole60, while eating a meal, I was able to feel that it was time to stop eating <feeling full sensation>.  Wow...that was completely new.  I was certain that years of overeating had eliminated that instinct from my repertoire of instincts.  I just pushed the plate back.  At the end of the first Whole60 it was my 40th birthday.  I imagined what I would want to have.  I made a list that was long and included a dunkin donuts trip.  Then it hit me...I didn't really want those foods...I just missed those foods.  My frienemy foods.  The ones that didn't have my best interest at heart.  No matter how I justified it...a donut is always going to stick to my thighs and do nothing for me nutritionally.  I used to enjoy those foods and they were a very small part of my life.  However, the roller coaster that it put my body through undermined my ability to make good choices for the rest of the day.  But I missed them.  So, as I considered my list I realized that I already knew the outcome.  I have to change to change myself.  So...I went back on Whole60 again.  Now at the end of my 2nd Whole60 I made a list of what I wanted to have as a treat but after thinking about what I miss and what I want the answer is the same I would rather have a steak and sweet potato.  Maybe some corn on the cob.  I no longer want my frienemy foods.  I see them for what they are.

So to my frienemy foods I bid you farewell.  I am better off without you.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out.  

what I think about CrossFit coaches...

Lets get straight to it.  They are mean (I see the 100 burpees coming) SO mean.  In the beginning...I wanted a note allowing me to quit.  I wanted the coaches to tell me...it is okay.  Give up.  You have worked hard enough...go on ahead and quit.  I will let you. I won't make you feel bad for being unfit.  I won't give you a hard time for quitting.  I will hold your hand while you surrender to your self pity.  I was looking for permission to quit on myself.  Yeah...that is not what they gave me.  Instead I was called out on my excuses (not enough time; kids, work, life, house etc etc.  We all have them) and they said things like, "pick up the bar, Michelle" "add more weight, Michelle" "you can do this, Michelle" "Go faster, Michelle" and my favorite, "you can always do one more Burpee <gag>, Michelle".  Now while the coaches were saying these things the dialogue in my head was "what have I gotten myself in to", "this is stupid", "this is TOO hard" and the horrible "I want to quit".  Never have I quit a WOD and I didn't really want to but I fought the words in my head and was confused by the difference between those words and the words of my coaches.  Then, with the CrossFit open 14.5 a light bulb went off.  As I was dragging through it the coach was talking me through the math of my rounds (math is hard while deprived of oxygen...truth) and he said something like "those thrusters look easy for you, next round do them unbroken" after having completed a mazillion of them already.  At first I thought I was going to say something VERY VERY VERY unkind to this very nice man...easy???  What the hell???  Then...I realized <lightbulb> that he saw something that I didn't.  His opinion was based upon performance where my opinion was based upon years of emotion and self doubt.  <listen to your coaches>  That is when I began to realize I can do this and all the negative self talk ceased and was replaced with things like, "take 3 breaths and move", " you got this...pick up the freakin' bar, Michelle" It takes a lot of effort to replace the negative self talk with words of encouragement.  Sometimes those words are "this is awful...but it will make me stronger...keep moving" and also "this is amazing I never could have done this 6 months ago".

Mean?  Okay, maybe not.  Pushy...perhaps.  Seeing ability and not accepting any less?  Absolutely.  Is it easy?  No.  Does it require permanent, real and realistic change?  Yes, yes and yes.  Can I do it?  Yes, yes I can and I am.  So for those who criticize CrossFit...in that pool of sweat I found myself.  I realized the person I am.  I got a glimpse into how strong I am both inside and outside.  Why?  Because I made the choice to trust the perspective of someone else who had judged me based upon my actions not on my opinions based upon self doubt.  Get some.