Lets get straight to it. They are mean (I see the 100 burpees coming) SO mean. In the beginning...I wanted a note allowing me to quit. I wanted the coaches to tell me...it is okay. Give up. You have worked hard enough...go on ahead and quit. I will let you. I won't make you feel bad for being unfit. I won't give you a hard time for quitting. I will hold your hand while you surrender to your self pity. I was looking for permission to quit on myself. Yeah...that is not what they gave me. Instead I was called out on my excuses (not enough time; kids, work, life, house etc etc. We all have them) and they said things like, "pick up the bar, Michelle" "add more weight, Michelle" "you can do this, Michelle" "Go faster, Michelle" and my favorite, "you can always do one more Burpee <gag>, Michelle". Now while the coaches were saying these things the dialogue in my head was "what have I gotten myself in to", "this is stupid", "this is TOO hard" and the horrible "I want to quit". Never have I quit a WOD and I didn't really want to but I fought the words in my head and was confused by the difference between those words and the words of my coaches. Then, with the CrossFit open 14.5 a light bulb went off. As I was dragging through it the coach was talking me through the math of my rounds (math is hard while deprived of oxygen...truth) and he said something like "those thrusters look easy for you, next round do them unbroken" after having completed a mazillion of them already. At first I thought I was going to say something VERY VERY VERY unkind to this very nice man...easy??? What the hell??? Then...I realized <lightbulb> that he saw something that I didn't. His opinion was based upon performance where my opinion was based upon years of emotion and self doubt. <listen to your coaches> That is when I began to realize I can do this and all the negative self talk ceased and was replaced with things like, "take 3 breaths and move", " you got this...pick up the freakin' bar, Michelle" It takes a lot of effort to replace the negative self talk with words of encouragement. Sometimes those words are "this is awful...but it will make me stronger...keep moving" and also "this is amazing I never could have done this 6 months ago".
Mean? Okay, maybe not. Pushy...perhaps. Seeing ability and not accepting any less? Absolutely. Is it easy? No. Does it require permanent, real and realistic change? Yes, yes and yes. Can I do it? Yes, yes I can and I am. So for those who criticize CrossFit...in that pool of sweat I found myself. I realized the person I am. I got a glimpse into how strong I am both inside and outside. Why? Because I made the choice to trust the perspective of someone else who had judged me based upon my actions not on my opinions based upon self doubt. Get some.
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